imagine!

back home in haiti, I spent many weekends, and holidays with my grandma. grann is actually pushing 99 this year, and still speaks of businesses to be explored. now that, love, is indeed a hustla. I remember, she’d be sowing school uniforms, repairs, and even whole outfits on brand with her generation. she’d make treats. she’d have chips, second hand clothes, tampico, ice, lamp gas, water, sapibon, sowing essentials, just selling all kinda goods. always some’ different, and right on that porch too. not only had she manifested some supportive children, She wasn’t out here banking, so you knew she just loved it. it’s like she enjoyed just tapping into ‘em everyday lil’ things the community wanted to get on. often, she’d make me manager, assistant, sales personnel, closer, opener, you name it. and I loved every bit of it. in those times to me, I felt nothing but admiration for her. her resolve. her skills. her resourcefulness. her creativity. even her commanding presence. mind you, she never even finished schooling after the 6th grade. again, affirm with me: we are wealth in human form!

now naturally, with this queen in my genes, I started bartering and trading with my friends. by the time I was 14, a classmate and I partnered on a side hustle handcrafting bracelets. unfortunately, we got caught making transactions during class. as a catholic school, they followed a strict code of conduct, so really, we might as well have sinned. the nuns were utterly furious. we were not only chastised, but we also received a disciplinary penalty for the trimester. so expectedly so, I got my ass thoroughly whooped that night. that experience, as you’d imagine gave me a renewed focus on school. it wasn’t for another 5 years, after I became more open with my art, that the idea of being my own business began slipping into conversations. and i spent the next 10 years just rejecting it.

fast forward to launching nannan February 1, 2021 I can’t say I confidently knew what I was doing. I knew tho, I was investing mad love into this. really, the last 8 months, it’s been a whole lotta praying, reflecting, YouTubing, letting go, googling, and intuitively making moves. this is a success story already. I’ve won already. just in me developing this website on my own, i’ve won. just in me sharing this part of me with you, i’ve won. just in how I’ve creatively captured my products, i’ve won. just in meeting yaz or ms pamela while vending, i’ve won. just in how i’ve RECONNECTED WITH my inner-G, i’ve won.

so back early last year, when i began believing that money is yet another form of abundance I can receive from my cellf-care medicines, i had still been working thru a rather unproductive relationship with money. with my parents being my first teachers, I long believed that money only came to those who worked hard. and worked hard I did, 2 jobs at a time? I did that. master’s degrees? i earned them. unpaid internships? i worked them. clocked into a job that valued me as much as the next applicant who needs a job? I’ve done that too. worked an internship, and a job all the while full-time at school? yep, that too! blood, sweat and tears? yes, alla that. yet money continued to feel like an energy that I couldn’t quite concretize without compromise. there was always an uneven exchange. if it wasn’t my standards, then it was my time, or my health, my wants, my relationships, my plans, or even my emotions. as tho programmed from generations to overlook the wealth that is actually me…the immeasurable resource that then 29 years had been building. my vitality, my ancestry, MY lessons, my resilience, MY COURAGE, my creativity, even my empathy.

with soul much needed unlearning, I wasn’t sure I was ready. in fact, when I first started organizing nannan, we was fresh into lock down. back around April 2020, remember? I hadn’t even chosen a name yet. I was a newcomer to New Orleans, without a social work license and an inbox filled with application confirmations. at the time, I had finally Been freelancing as a digital heartist for some months, so the “just do it” energy had already been pulsing thru me heavy. and it was April time too, you know mars energy, so even the cosmos was hyping me. besides, not only was it tax season, but a stimmy was in the works too. so I progressively leaped. with far too many friends dissatisfied, and burnt out even with their titles, and salaries, I felt disheartened to continue submitting any more social work applications.

as the city opened back up in July, I took on work as an airbnb front desk host. it was a simple enough job that allowed me to work on both my digital heart commissions, and Nannan while still on shift. I thought, well, ti pa, ti pa, one commission and shift at time, Ima progress in my businesses. after some few months, it was clear that this company was facing bankruptcy. It became messy, and emotionally exhausting. roles were being blurred meanwhile wages were unaffected. I hadda go. one night, while on shift, somewhere between the AC being too low, and realizing no one above me seemed to know what they was doing, I submitted my two-weeks. Immediately, i felt this overwhelming fear trying to shift my ego from seeing my life as a world of possibilities to a world of uncertainties. it’s like there was still some comfort in having this convenient job that didn’t even align with me. but then the way my leaving unfolded was convincing enough that It was time. like literally a day later, on my day off mind you, they were like “actuaaaally… we are letting you go instead.” sure, yes, I was already leaving, but that hit different. like, “you really not bout to lemme finish my 2 weeks?? ok.” so with what i had saved over those months, after a few weeks on February 1, I officially launched nannan!

with the flow of responsibilities, it became vital for me to wholeheartedly open myself to money while not being fueled by it. even as I found myself running through my savings just 4 months in. I innerstand now that life is cocreating with me. and at times, this means growing thru experiences that are humbly and even uncomfortably expansive.

to me, this means receiving sales not as a goal, but as an incidental blessing. like a byproduct of following an inspiration.

to me, this means remembering whether others invested or not, I believe in my medicines.

to me, this means knowing that I am the wealth. i am the abundance.

to me, this means doing what I can with where i’m.

to me, this means accepting support.

to me, this means being honest with my whys.

to me, this means adjusting how I talk about money.

to me, this means redefining abundance for me. like connections, and lessons.

to me, this means seeing the growth in every step.

to me, this means embracing the trickle as much as the stream.

to me, this means wanting the abundance already around and within me.

to me, this means recognizing that my ancestors, the divine, the universe, the sum of everything and nothing are guiding me through this human experience every day.

who woulda thought I’d have to go soul far inward just to put myself out there? now, does that mean that alla sudden I don’t enjoy money? of course, I do. money is a resource. it’s an energy to an end. still, life is teaching me it’s easy to make money. truth be told, we can do just about any job for the right amount of cash and perceived need. if anything, it’s attracting it, without detracting ourcellf that can feel challenging. so i’m manifesting a reality where this very form of abundance…this energy… flows to me just by the very truth that i am living. and by living I mean making choices that support my cells to smile in gratitude for every passing moment. and this, nannan, is one of those choices. where I’m at, in the ways I’m healing, and expanding as a being, my peace is wealth. and i’m building on that, first and foremost.

life reassures me daily that I do have a birthright to be content. to have my senses revel in being alive. to feel good. to be at ease. and so do you! yes, of course money can support alla that. but not without us first believing that we are worthy regardless of the sales, or the salary, the degrees, or the professional and even parental validation. I am divinity personified. I am valuable in my own existence.

remember, while it’s being culturally normalized to spend ourselves to death for financial security, I know we deserve a life of so much more.

Toni JONES wrote the affirmation song: “yays coins”. IT’S actually A WHOLE ALBUM. AMIDST ALL THAT YOU RECEIVE TODAY, LET THAT BE ONE OF YOUR CHOICES.

light + love,

nuru, your reflection

affirm with me: we are wealth in human form.