*click pictures to swipe

what is freeforming?

it’s simply leaving your hair to be… to loc as she so chooses. ultimately, just nature taking form.

starting my freeform journey with my hair so short meant that there wouldn’t be much difference for months…and there wasn’t any, not until around late november. the change was most felt and seen in the back, whereas the front looked as tho I was just rockin’ a twa (teeny weeny afro). this the stage so often referred to in the loc’d community as the “ugly stage,” when your locs are still taking form, each follicle still embracing another, still shrinking into each other until they become one. only this stage isn’t ugly at all. it’s quite informative, actually. it’s even a tease. if anything it’s just another expression of my divinity. i’m an heartwork in progress, remember (pictured above: July 2020 to march 2021).

i’m so thankful to have come across loc’d queens and kings that’ve affirmed me in my decision, not only directly, but also in loving themselves so shamelessly. for years now, i’ve been unlearning this programming to have every curl and coil laid, and apologetic. by 2019, i was convinced that freeformin’ into locs was gonna be the most supportive experience towards this process. and it has, even in those short 9 months since i began. evidently, in all her forms, she brings lessons. when i see her, i’m reminded to be expressive, and unfiltered. to flow with change, so much so to find safety in it. to honor my feelings, and my vision. to always see me, especially when others don’t.

questions i’ve found myself untangling:

are you not more than the way you style your hair?
are you any less divine now because you don’t look a certain way?
did you even want this job?
aren’t you loving yourself more now? well, isn’t that what matters?
why do you think they’re judging you?
what is my hair doing? what’s going onnnn?
is your hair’s purpose not to protect you? is it not doing that?

what i’ve learned about freeforming locs

it seems that I sleep mostly on my back, with the back of my head laid to the right. I noticed based on how my locs are flattening and forming in the back, in this very area. this is one of the reasons why I’ve not been using a hair bonnet as I feel* that my locs would take its form.
simplicity will always be the way forward.
since I haven’t been combing my hair, shedded hairs hang onto each other, until…well, they don’t. so easily, you’d find just lil bundles of my coils tumbling about wherever I went. it even felt like I had been shedding more than when I wasn’t loc’in my hair. these days, not as much.
trying not to play with my hair can be hard work. maybe it’s the freeform, or maybe it’s falling in love with myself.
I can rock any ting as long as i feel good about it. when you feel good about what you’re expressin’ with your hair, face, clothes, body, whatever, and exude that feeling, that’s all that matters. remember, we project onto others how we feel about ourselves which then gives them another set of lens through which they should see us.
you gotta be patient

how i care for my hair

my love rituals are rather simple especially as my locs are still quite short and maturing:

I sleep with silk pillowcase only. but i’m considering investing in a silk bonnet since my crown loves making friends… with lint, or random particles flying about.
every rising, I pick out any lint, then mist my hair with water.
every other day, or two, i use drops of ngozi scalp oil all across my scalp (~10) and some rubbed into my palm and fingertips, then i massage ‘em gently into my scalp, scrunching my hair within my palm, and speaking love and healing into ‘em. I do also enjoy any of the butters, but to avoid build up with locs formin’ into themselves, I prefer to use ngozi.
before a wash, every so often i soak my hair with water, massaging it in, then letting her air dry.
i wash my crown every 4 to 6 weeks depending on how my scalp is feelin’, and how my locs are looking. I either use: apple cider vinegar, and water, OR aloe vera, and cucumber, or lemon and water, or rice water, or ginger and water (or a combo thereof), etc. If it’s potent in antimicrobial, antibacterial, anti-fungal and antioxidant goodness, then I use ‘em on both my hair and skin instead of shampoo or soap. my hair is so far 5 years shampoo free, and my body ~3 years soap-free (at the exception of my hands).
I’ve brushed my hair into a side frohawk a few times. i’ve even tried to separate or part a loc or two, and it’s to no use. somehow, she grows back into herself, or into that position. at this time, manipulation is very minimal.
obviously, none of these tho take precedence over feeding your body some good ol’ water and high vibrational food. this step/part of my cell-care rituals has arguably been the most challenging for me. some days i’m better at it than others, and it unapologetically shows when I ain’t…in my lips, in my hair, in my scalp. but i’m getting better. after all, the responsibility to nourish my cells, is mines to commit to. so i have to.

I captured some moments of my love rituals this past Sunday with some of my favorite heartworks: ngozi, nomalanga facial oil, and nsaa facial scrub.

from morning hair/skin, to loving on ‘em with some aloe vera and cucumber (and a lil bit of water to blend) juiced, then strained through a cheesecloth.
I poured the juice onto my hair, massaging it in all into my scalp, affirming its goodness into my body. i then letting her be for ~15 minutes (it changes every time, really) by covering her under a plastic cap to trap in the moisture, and warmth for better absorption. i also wrapped a cotton t-shirt around my neck for any drips.
I moved onto exfoliating my skin with nsaa, then I let her be for ~10 minutes. I rinsed it off with warm water, and my faciAL towelette. my face was then topped and nourished with nomalanga once dried.
I used the remaining of the juice on the rest of my body, allowed it to absorb, and cleanse me, then i rinsed it all off.
I allowed water to run down my hair until clear. she was dried with a cotton t-shirt (for its gentleness). then I proceeded on just as I do every other day with ngozi. boom!

yes, my hair has a gender pronoun

I’ve used it, she, or them to refer to my crown. naturally tho, I noticed I gravitate more towards she pronoun as linguistically that denotes more of a feminine energy. feminine energy to me isn’t men, or women. it’s an energy that flows, it’s creative, compassionate, playful, intuitive, receptive; whereas masculine energy is assertive, logical, active, ego. when I think hair, I think she:

in the essence of hair being creative energy or an expression of our innergy (growing hair is a passive activity); hair is being, not doing.
or in how hair follicles are antennas receiving data/energies all from around us. If anything, in the black community, it is well understood that you oughta be intentional about who touches your hair.

how long will i grow her out?

i’m just living right now. maybe I will feel differently in a year, maybe in 10. who knows?

may more peace and blessings find you always, and in all ways,

nuru, your reflection

my freeforming crown: the loc journey I thought I'd be dreading