skin really do be that deep: the mind, body, soul as one
skin.
how can you not be in awe of this organ? this protection, quite literally holding us together.
well Into my adulthood, I believed we was all just a few products away from the skins on tv and magazines. youth, fairness, and acne-free were still trending back then. these days, products are still racking up into billions. yet many of us are still contouring and facetuning our insecurities deep under.
think of the different brands you’ve experienced. perhaps they felt effective at first. you saw results. and then it’s like they not giving anymore. or perhaps you wouldn’t dare running outta certain products because you feel like your skin condition comes back with a vengeance. see the body is like an intuitive computer. it adapts and outsmarts. it cannot lie. it just finds another way to let you know what’s up. and while you’re topically managing the symptoms, you are not addressing the roots.
in creating my own skincare medicines, It became clear how truly connected our souls, minds, and bodies are. I knew, but not like I know now. even down to this skin we are in. we are souls housed in this sacred vessel. and with life actively happening, we may choose not to recognize their interactions, but we feel it regardless. you may attribute a dis-ease to something outside of yourself/cells like the food you been eating perhaps, but really how did you get to that first bite in the first place? or perhaps you blame genetics. but what habits really led you there? how did you learn them? what really is at the root of these lifestyle choices?
The content shared here is no medical advice. i’ve just been living. observing. studying life. researching. processing. and making connections worth considering.
now, arguably, skin is our first impression onto the world. our first presentation of our-cell-ves.
from magdalena rubio on pinterest
in astrology, we are cosmic bodies divided into 12 houses just as there are 12 zodiac signs. just like you can feel the sun on your skin, whether consciously or subconsciously you also do feel the other planets and stars circling us in the cosmos. and each of these celestial bodies (or a combo thereof) govern a house.
skin as a part of our appearance can be found in the first house.
bare with me.
the first house, is the house of self. in addition to representing your self-identity, and your individuality, the first house is your physical features. it’s the parts of you that are very visible, and/or perceivable to the word. it’s your soulcial mask. the image of you projected onto others. it’s a mirror of your presence and your essence. it’s your self-esteem. it’s the ego even.
the first house is ruled by mars. mars rules the zodiac sign of aries which is represented by a ram. mars as a planet represents how you assert yourself. your drive. it’s how you protect yourself. your power. mars is your souldier. your impulses or gut feeling. your most basic instincts. your inner warrior. your manifestation gas. mars is action. your raw desires. what you express without thought. it’s your “I am“ energy. it’s how you translate mind and soul into reality. it’s your fight in “fight or flight.“ mars is discipline. your mars wanna protect and serve you. it’s outward energy but it can also be resistant.
fun facts about rams: in many cultures they symbolize power, and bravery, strength, new beginnings, being combative, and leadership. they are animals that quite literally live on unstably rocky edges and cliffs. even the verb “to ram” means to “force” something into place. rams are also commonly known to fight for dominance, and control during breeding season. before then, they avoid fighting as much as possible to preserve energy and life. in fact, they violently fight “head first” which in english denotes being in a hurried state, impulsive or not thinking before doing. suffice it to say that the energy of the rams is so fitting to what mars is about.
rams facing each other head on.
bare with me, still. we’re going somewhere.
It is believed that there are 7 wheels of energetic centers or vortexes operating in the body from the crown of our head reaching down to the base of our spine. each wheel depends on the other to flow smoothly, like a computer or a car. if one is outta balance, or outta alignment it creates a domino effect along the remaining chakras.
mars is often theorized as ruling both the root chakra and solar chakra. we’ll focus on the root chakra here. the root chakra is located at the base of our spine, between our anus and genitals. this chakra is known in Sanskrit as muladhara/ mooladhara: mula meaning “root,” and adhara meaning “support.” like the roots of a tree, it’s our foundation, and therefore connected to our sense of stability, security, our ambition, and self-sufficiency. it’s from that energetic center that we meet our basic needs of food, water, shelter, safety (inner and outer) and belonging. this is our instinctual survival center. it’s about feeling connected. it’s about how we relate to our cells, and what and who surround us.
this chakra is represented by the color red, and this color too is believed to dominate the planet mars. and when you think of red you probably think sexy, drive, power, fire, passion, vitality, intensity, anger, confidence. in essence you think physical, or masculine or outward, right? even when you see a stop sign while driving, you quite literally press to the ground.
are you still with me? we’re getting there.
just like the roots of a tree, to build a foundation, our root chakra consumes from where we are, and grow from there. and what we consume from is reflected in the fruits we bare.
remember, skin conditions are a physical… active… visible manifestation of our cells’ experience. quite like a receipt. skin is sensory. it’s our line of defense between oneself and the word. it’s our security system signaling us of any energies consumed from around us now dis-eased within us. food is energy, as are social media propaganda, skincare products, thoughts, our environment, other people’s opinions, expectations, that relationship, etc.
when what we are rooted in what can cause us imbalance, meaning when what we’ve built upon makes us feel unsafe, or unstable, stressed, or fatigued, angry or resentful, indecisive, or purposeless, our mars (inner warrior) goes on overdrive to protect, and survive. it’s the energy that ensures your perceived need is fulfilled at any given time. imagine for instance that you’re rooted in your instagram following. your mars might push you to post more for attention, or to maintain a certain perception (i.e. spending money to show you’re living your best life even if you’re truly not). Or if you’re rooted in having money, well money can surely be a supportive resource but can it really make you feel like you belong? can it really strengthen connections? so your mars might activate to spend more frivolously to surround yourself with immovable things, or to overwork yourself to have more of it just because the more you’ve the more you may feel at ease. being on social media more leads to wasting time, superficial presence, over-comparison, and constantly seeking that temporary dopamine hit in validation. overworking similarly leads to unrest, which leads to fatigue which leads to poor eating habits. overspending cyclically leads to unpaid bills, lack of sleep, regrets, and malnourishment on cheaply made food. in all these cases, the roots are not necessarily being addressed, you’re just doing something to avoid feeling which leads right back to feeling some type way anyways.
now, journey back with me to August 2015 when I relocated to Ann Arbor, michigan for grad school. up until then, acne hadn’t been much of an experience, not even in my teens. I was a perceivably black woman in my first semester at the university of Michigan. I was one of less than 10%. I was the one, maybe the two in any class. this was the first time that I felt I had to face this part of me. It wasn’t even shade. it was color. it was the history wrapping my being together. I felt seen in spaces that weren’t safe. scrutinized. and overrepresented in class discussions. I didn’t wanna be a statistic nor a narrative. I felt invaluable. inadequate. unmotivated, yet hardly resting. overstudying into living on energy drinks and adderall. I felt like I didn’t deserve to be there. like an impostor. like affirmative action and diversity. like I couldn’t make mistakes especially for the next black girl reading her acceptance letter. and It showed all on my face. i was a haitian now consciously living the black experience in the states. sure, at the time I had already lived in this country for some 8 years but in Miami, Florida within large communities of people that weren’t even American, not even by passport. we were all proudly and divisively so identified with our ethnicities. you wouldn’t dare mistake a Jamaican or Dominican for a haitian, or any hispanic person for a Mexican. and sure, between blacks and hispanics, there can be racism there too. but we knew we were on the same boat. maybe them at the center, and black folks somewhere on the edge, but the same boat nonetheless.
during that school year, my breakouts were very persistent. you may say, relatively minimal, sure, but significant enough for me to explore. by the start of my 2nd semester, I met more than a handful of souls who securely identified as black like Akirah, David, Korisma, Christiana, or Kaelyn. in their activism, their confidence, their unapologetic presence, their knowledge, their kindness, their welcome, I slowly expanded beyond that space, these feelings, those lies. I wanted to be there. in my skin. I deserved to be there. in my skin. and I transformed over those 2 semesters. in my skin. it was like that mental clarity, also manifested physically. *(pictured above beginning of august 2015 to december 2015)
more recently, in June 2020, I had my first paid digital art commission. I thought, “wow, someone really about to pay me hundreds of dollars for my heart.” up until then I had only been freelancing for friends. although I had seen many times what skills, and diligence I had could create, I still wasn’t trusting myself enough to exchange them for money. as the deadline approached, I broke out in hives for at least 3 to 4 days. this was also a time where it had become painfully evident that my romantic relationship at the time was nearing a break up. and I didn’t wanna be me…like this…In my skin. divinely so, that week, my best friend was visiting us. and it was just the reassurance I needed. to spend time with someone who saw me, even when I didn’t wanna see myself. a loved one who poured into me. we worked on nannan together. we had photoshoots. we processed. we laughed. and I felt I could handle it again, come what may. and my skin slowly returned to its natural state: at ease. (see thumbnail picture showing my skin a few days after my hives had been healing).
in both these instances, my protective mechanisms, my basic instincts, my “do or die” energy otherwise my mars were activated. I was on fight or flight mode. as those feelings were not being processed, broken down, and released, they turned inward. overthinking. criticizing. I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t want to accept what my choices had realized. I felt shame. I feared change. I felt disempowered.
in one way you can theorize skin conditions being a protective manifestation. if you think of desirability politics within the collective illusions of trends, having a skin condition can function as a mask. as a way to not be seen. to hide away behind this layer perceived as an imperfection. like growing thorns on your skin to shield your vulnerability. a reflection of just how you actually feel. perhaps you wanna distance yourself, or you feeling inadequate or unworthy, ashamed or insecure, angry even. resisting love. fearing depth. so your skin shows it to you as loudly as it can: where the eye could see. communicating to you where the body wants you to redirect your energy: back to yourself; your cells. let’s be real, you didn’t start feeling anxious when your skin broke outta their silence. if truly you look inward, you’d see those feelings been there festering under the surface. in your pancreas, your gallbladder, your kidneys, your gut.
have you ever heard of the expression: “had the gall to * insert behavior *” ? this expression denotes a persun having the courage, or even audacity to do something, right? well, gall actually is in reference to the gallbladder—this tiny organ in the body functioning as this storage of bile produced by the liver. this fluid is then received by the small intestines to break down fats to be digested as energy by the body. so in this line of thought, if you think about it metaphysically, the gallbladder is where we build determination which then powers our decision-making, which in turn manifests as actions. right? it’s even theorized by some astrologers that amongst other parts of the body, the bile and the gallbladder are ruled by mars.
okay, think about it this way: the liver is our body’s vital detoxing organ. it literally processes and filters through what we’ve consumed. and on a day to day basis, what we eat may be influenced by how we feel. whether we reach for some pizza, or some quinoa often coincides with what feelings we were breaking down, or suppressing at the time. you may for instance be feeling too Angry, depressed or resentful to cook, so you hit up that spot that your mind, body and soul remember as toxic. but the goal is to feel some’ different right? to ignore the feeling. to leave it unexpressed. disengaged. to feel safe. to be at ease. to digest the feeling so far down you don’t recognize it anymore. but what happens tho to a liver that is continuously in that sorta active state? it struggles to do its functions effectively (i.e. bile production). and what happens without determination, courage, and drive? what happens with a debilitated mars/ inner souldier? procrastination. fear. indecisions. weak willpower. unfulfilled dreams. dissatisfaction. now what if amongst these toxins are some feelings (or beliefs) of rejection, and fear continuously passing down along the bile cluttering the gallbladder? you may feel that physical pain. as tho the feeling is so concentrated is solidifies within (gallstones), or even vomiting and diarrhea (forced release). so then comes rash decisions. poor execution. insecurity or confusion. self-hatred. stagnation. feeling stuck. or exhaustion. isolation.
yes! skin conditions really do be that deep.
our root chakra begins to develop in our early childhood. likelihood is if you’re not actively aware of how you move thru life, you’ve probably carried on just the same as you were taught. maybe your caregivers were emotionally available, and met your basic needs, maybe they lacked in one or the other. maybe they were inconsistent, maybe even chaotic with both. whatever you had to learn to survive, to feel secure, and connected goes with you as you grow into adulthood and beyond. there are many lessons that can be had from our experiences, but the ones we choose to live by matter. i’ve once heard from this astrologer on YouTube: “just ‘cus you built like that don’t mean you have to build like that.” if you’re now responsible for your own life choices, you now have more freedom to choose differently. to choose to be grounded. balanced. to flow amidst the storm. to shine under the heat.
imagine letting life’s experiences sway you every which way till you break away from what grounds you (nutritious food, comfortable home, self love, reliable human connections). much like a tree breaking apart from its strong/ healthy roots: it dies from the inside out. it loses its vigor and its fruits. the bark begins to dry and peel. the leafs wilt and brown. the branches rot and break. and the fungi come to make it home. the root chakra function just the same. and so does the skin.
so have you observed yourself…what’s your skin’s current state of being? is it itching? is it red? is it a rash? is it breaking out? is it painful? are there spots? now think of what feeling each of these could communicate realistically. for example…
redness of skin: you may imagine embarrassment, or shame
itching: you may think unsettled, maybe wanting to get away
rash: a burning feeling perhaps anger, impulsiveness, inflamed emotions
pimples: feeling criticized, scrutinized, high expectations from others (or inversely to ourselves). the more painful it is physically, the more it is emotionally.
flaking: taking things too seriously; too much work, not enough play; very sensitive, not being one self, feeling isolated
dark spots: remembering, not letting go, obsessing
Now think about where the dis-comfort/ dis-ease/ dis-order is located—a vital piece of data. Can you think of what those body parts could relate to metaphysically? for instance: Think of the motion, or how you use them on a daily basis. Think of idioms attached to those body parts. it’s really all intuitive. let’s consider A few examples.
Back: we know of the saying “to turn your back on someone” which means no longer offering support, or abandoning a person. Do you feel overburdened? rejected? lacking in support?
Hands: if we think of the term, “giving someone a hand,” you think of helping or being of service to someone. do you feel taken advantage of? Are you working hard for little fruits? Do you feel like you don’t know what you’re doing? Do you feel ashamed about your achievements or what you’ve done to someone? Taking too much? Giving too much? have your relationships been too transactional?
Feet: how do you feel about where you’re going? Indecisive? Itching to leave? Upset you left? Are you struggling to initiate (right foot)? Moving too fast? Do you feel balanced? Stagnant? doing the most? feeling pressured/ weighed down? are you ready?
elbows: do you feel dismissed? Cheated? Have you been inflexible? have you not been picking yourself up? Are you keeping others at a distance?
Mouth/ near the mouth: have you been gossiping? Talking negatively? Lying? Overindulging? are you walking the talk?
Neck: are you looking at things from all perspectives? Have you been inflexible? Have you been taking risks? stubborn to change your perception?
Breasts: conflict with your mother figure? perhaps lack of nurturing? not expressing your feminine energy? are you nourishing yourself? do you feel deserving of love? are you over-caring? are you not being forgiving?
Buttocks: too direct? too Crass? too Lazy? Not careful about where you’re calling home? Too agitated? Not resting? Lack of self-control? Have you not been cleansing yourself? Are you too focused on results and not the process?
Forehead: overthinking? over-intellectualizing situations? in your head too much?
scalp: overthinking? over intellectualizing your feelings? not feeling smart? losing yourself? nit knowing yourself?
cheeks: are you being too compassionate? or not at all? do you feel judged? being taken advantage of? are you embarrassed? do you feel greedy? are you ashamed by your actions?
so ask yourself these questions. very kindly so. without judgement. and a whole lotta curiosity. be present. be courageous. be honest with yourself.
how have i subconsciously and/or consciously protected myself?
what have i done with my frustrations? have i burried ‘em in netflix? comfort food?
how do I talk to my skin?
how do I talk about my skin?
have i been hiding? why?
do i wanna be seen? why?
do i feel seen?
how do i see myself? why?
how do i feel about myself? why?
how do i think others see me? why?
how do i want others to see me? why?
do i eat carelessly? why?
am I hydrated?
do I feel that I have time?
do i want to keep everyone at a distance? why?
do i go even harder when things get challenging?
do i prioritize the grind over my health? why?
do i lie and cheat? why?
do i isolate myself? why?
am i really resting my body?
am i impulsive?
why do i procrastinate?
what do i do to escape?
why am i escaping?
what’s my social media usage like during these experiences? why?
do i fear rejection? why?
do i fear acceptance? why?
do i rest?
what is rest to me?
why do i wear make up? am i hiding? refining? or am i being expressive?
do i play? how often?
have i been seeking validation outside of myself? why?
what’s it like to be in my skin?
how easily do i let my layers shed? how easily do I let go?
am i uncomfortable In my skin?
how do i feel about where I am and where i’m headed?
do i believe that others don’t wanna see me? why?
am i picking at myself? why?
where am i itching to be? why?
what about me that i’m not accepting? why?
what’s been getting under your skin? why?
who am i letting hurt me? why?
do i feel recognized or acknowledged?
do I accept my perceived flaws?
what are the expectations that i have of myself? who set them?
do i feel you have multiple personalities? do i know which ones are a performance and which is really me?
do i feel guilty? why?
do I feel confused? why?
am i fearful? since when? why?
am i frustrated? since when? why?
am I irritated? since when? why?
what stories am i telling myself about me?
for me, skin care medicines like the ones I create are supplements. nannan for me is that extra love I don’t need, but I know I deserve. when I rub me down with some mirembe hair + body butter and speak love into my pores after a cleansing shower, I know it’s an experience that my cells bask in. I enjoy spoiling ‘em with more than enough. what made nannan more, is the enough I recommit to doing for ‘em every day: eating good, staying hydrated, loving on my shadow as much as my light, moving my body into flow, ex-pressing my cells loud and proud.
so go on! go do your own research! find a few books or some articles. there’s countless others discussing the very same. most importantly tho truly meditate on what you’re learning about yourself. find out for yourself! your body, your mind, your soul are connected. the body never lies, even when our minds can. so pay attention. our bodies are like a machine or calculator. it computes together just what you add to it. and as we know energy never dies. and if you hold it long enough within your being, it simply transforms and converts into a different version of itself so it can be released. think about the food we eat for instance, it’s gotta go at some point. feelings are just the same, they’re visitors. you let them overstay their welcome, sure enough, you’ll no longer feel at home. in your skin.
when you’re not strongly rooted in the version of you that appreciates and loves on your cells, you may grow roots in broken beliefs, lies, and propaganda that won’t stand the tests of life. and it will show, in one way, or another. always.
nuru, your reflection